My husband had not touched me in years. We became roommates. The silence got louder than any fight. I almost gave up. But here are 5 things we tried that finally worked.
NOW 2 BESTSELLERS 100% FREE WITH ORDER
I've been married 14 years. I don't even know when it happened. One year we were us, the next year we were two people who lived in the same house and paid the same bills. I didn't lose my husband. I lost the way he used to look at me.
I've been thinking about writing this for months. He hasn't touched me on purpose in almost two years. Not in the way I mean. He helps with the dishes. He walks past me on the stairs. He kisses the top of my head before he goes to bed and rolls over. None of it is on purpose. None of it is because he wants to. And I can feel the difference in my body. I miss being wanted more than I miss the sex. I don't know how to explain that to anyone who hasn't felt it.
I almost left him last summer. I mean it. I had a bag half packed on a Sunday afternoon when my best friend called me and told me about some small things she'd tried the year before, when her marriage was where mine is now. Nothing crazy. Nothing you'd need a therapist for. Small things. Things that felt too simple to work. I tried them because at that point I had nothing to lose. Here are the 5 that actually changed things a bit.
“we were basically roommates for like 3 years lol.. put this on last week and he came up behind me in the kitchen. that hasn't happened in I don't know how long. Worth it! Especially the books..”
I am not going to pretend these are magic. They are not. They are 5 small things that made a change. Here they are, in the order I did them.
1) Have your own life again.
The first thing my friend told me was to stop putting my life on hold. Make plans with your own friends. Go for a walk on your own. Book that class you meant to try last year. You need places to be that have nothing to do with the man in your house. Not to teach him a lesson. Because you used to have a life. It is still in there.
2) Book one small trip. Just one.
One night away. That is all. Not a big holiday. Not a spa week. One night in a small town an hour from the house. A cheap hotel with a bath. A meal you did not cook. You do not need to make it a big deal. You just need to be in a room together that is not your kitchen. Something in both of you softens when the walls change. That is the whole point.
3) 20 minutes a day. Small talk only.
Not the kids. Not the money. Not the plan. For 20 minutes a day, you talk about small things. Something funny at work. A song you have not heard in years. What you would eat if you could pick anything right now. It sounds silly. It is not. You are teaching the two of you how to be in a room and just be. That muscle goes first in a long marriage. This is how you get it back.
4) At the same time, do not chase him.
You can smile at him. You can plan the trip with him. You can sit with him and talk small. What you do not do is beg. You do not ask why he did not text. You do not try three times to start a hug. You do not give in when he says something small and cold. When you are happy in your own skin and open, he starts to move toward you. When you chase him, he pulls back. This one is hard. But it works.
5) Wear the thing that makes you feel like you.
The last thing I did was for me. Not for him. I got my hair cut the way I used to like it. I bought one soft shirt in a color I loved. And I put on a scent I had been saving for a day that never came. I wore it on a Wednesday. I wore it to the school run. I wore it in the kitchen. He came up behind me the second time and asked what it was. That was the first move he had made in a long time. But that was not the point. The point was I could feel me again.
TWO E-BOOKS normally €29.95 each now free
Single or taken. He ends up obsessed. Two books. Only now 100% free.
One of us walks into a room and no one looks up. One of us shares a bed with a man who stopped noticing. Different silences. Same fix. Take yours. Keep both.
Single, and feeling invisible
Invisible? Good. Why it drives men into obsession
Invisibility is a superpower. Finally, we do not have to set up an act.
You are in control and in power. Keep that in mind for the rest of your spiritual journey.
Threesomes, foursomes. Me alone with multiple men. Also younger, more energetic ones. They just like to prove themselves. Ha!
I own it. I needed it. It was part of my spiritual growth.
In a relationship that has gone quiet
Secrets that will make him kiss your feet
You are in power. You have power and control over your life.
Do you remember when he was chasing you? You were novel; it was an adventure.
He wants the vagina. You basically want to train that dog to be a good man again.
Put him on pause. He won’t get what he wants for days or a week. Teach them to respect.
Both books come with your order. No discount coupon needed.
